In my book,  any TV episode that has an opening sequence including the rapid-fire line: “Next time we trap a rampaging pig-insect hybrid from another galaxy that accidentally gets loose in custody,  you should shoot after it gets out of the car…” is off to a pretty amazing start,  even if its title is “The Cursed Tuba Contingency”.

Dub / Wendy Watson / Natalie Morales is in MM’s bad books for having gotten Carpacian Hog Roach green slime all over the MiddleMobile.  She’s left to clean up the grime (having committed the crime) while MM / Wendy’s Boss / Matt Keeslar goes off to a movie.

Please be aware: after this point There Be Spoilers.  And - watch the typically hugely complicated references and story line.  We’ll be asking questions later.

Sandbagged by Lacy / another young photogenic artist/ Brit Morgan,  MM is with her, enjoying the first act of his favourite western movie Ride Lonesome (for the 16th time),  when he’s interrupted (again) by a call to a crime scene.  The victim spontaneously drowned.  In his own (Peckinpah Hotel) bed.

Dub and MM trace the victim’s partner who pleads for 5 minutes of sexual ecstasy with the hot chick in his room (and this airs on the family channel in the US?) –until it turns out she’s a rather unattractive succubus sent to recover the Tuba from the Titanic from the bad guys.

Roxy Wasserman / Elaine Hendrix is the succbustrix who sent out her crew to do the deed and who fills MM in on the plot to date – basically if you hear the sound of the cursed Tuba you wound up drowned in the icy waters of the North Atlantic.  Icy,  but seriously uncool.

So while Ida / threepio / Mary Pat Gleason is animatedly Googling Tuba references anywhere in the world,  Dub goes home to share song lyrics with Noser / Jake Smollett and see Lacy who’s just off to meet MM in the movie theatre again.  Cue interruptions again.

Turns out the owner of the Peckinpah stole the first victim’s Tuba for his son who’s unknowingly going to play it with the Edward J Smith Public High School band and probably drown it and the audience in a lot more than just spit.  (Hey: wasn’t Edward J Smith Captain of the Titanic?).

For those of you late to the party,  all MM episodes have so many in-references that a) you can get serious headaches following them up and b) what in heaven’s name is this doing on the family channel???  Anyone enjoys headaches,  have a western movie lookup* and a Titanic reference handy for this episode.

Anyway – back to the story.  The kid is prevented from playing by a tuba-snatcher who turns out to be a penniless tuba player who shipped out with the Titanic in the 30’s. 

He’s shot,  but smartly comes back to life (he’s “Highlander with a Tuba”) because he ran out on the orchestra and stole a place in the lifeboats for himself and his Tuba.  They’re cursed to wander forever pondering the lives he took to save the instrument – as long as the Tuba’s intact.

Philanthropist Arthur Mendelson (a collector of all things Titanic) stole the tuba to get it played at his Society party on his even-bigger-than-the-Titanic yacht.  The Tuba guy is not surprisingly unkeen to set foot on a boat again - ever - so Dub and MM have to get togged up to go to the party.

Dub rejects Ida’s offer to do a Scissorhands on her hair, and gets help from Lacy to get ready.  Lacy turns up with Noser to play gooseberry(ies),  causing Dub to grow a little black box over her mouth (family channel) and MM to utter “Phooey”.  They’re surprised and upset.

Actually it’s a good job the dynamic sidekick wannabees  turned up,  because D and MM get shocked and cuffed trying to save the Tuba and need to be rescued before the Tuba… tubes.

As Tuba man (unexpected plot twist warning) takes a breath, the good guys thump him and take the Tuba – which prompts a thrilling chase sequence capped by Dub shooting T-man with a handy harpoon gun.  The celebrations are somewhat muted by MM dumping Lacy on the dancefloor** (while they’re dancing) to avoid placing her in further peril.

There’s action,  in-jokes,  puns,  pathos and a string band.  What more could you want?

Rumours across the Pond suggest that the MM series is being cut short (wrong market guys – it’s not a family channel show!!) so perhaps the UK can help jump-start the next series.

*Peckinpah hotel,  see – as in western films bloke Sam Peckinpah?  Please yourselves.

** metaphorically,  not physically

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