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MIDDLEMAN 1X10 THE VAMPIRIC PUPPET LAMENTATION |
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Written by Stuart
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 Girly moment alert... Wendy Watson (Dub dub / Natalie Morales) and Lacey (Brit Morgan) are getting dolled up for an upcoming party and swopping gossip (as you do) – and incidentally catch up on some back-story with Wendy’s Unresolved Sexual Tension (otherwise known as Tyler / Brendan Hines / UST) currently off seeing his parents.
At the party Wendy’s looking for Noser (Jake Smollett) who normally hangs around in the hallway swopping song lyrics with whoever happens by. A creepy party guest does her Tarot reading and foretells Noser being rended (rendered?) limb from limb.
Called to MMHQ to buy Vlad the Impaler’s household contents at auction to prevent a Vampire resurgence (long story), Wendy has to leave Lacey searching for Noser.
The Auction goes well, right up to the point when Vlad’s personal puppet (Little Vlad) takes over the auctioneer and turns into a hand-bat, carrying off the auctioneer single-handedly (joke).
Tracing down previous owners of little Vlad to a convenient mental home we find that he’s likely in search of his long-lost love Lizzie’s puppet to stage a full-on Vampire resurrection – but luckily the Middle Organisation bought that puppet in a previous auction, so all is well. Well…. then little Vlad turns up and Vamps Middleman and runs off (well the auctioneer does, anyway) with Lizzie hand in hand in hand.
Relaxed in the knowledge that crazy man running around with two ventriloquist’s dummies will stick out like a sore thumb, MM and Dub track the fugitive pair to.. an International Ventriloquists Convention where everyone’s got sore thumbs.
By some crazy chance Lacey and Pip turn up there too, looking for Noser who turns out to be a retired puppeteer genius when he’s not hanging around in hallways. Noser it turns out may be performing at the same convention with his famous sidekick Little Noser… (he’s famous but not that original.)
Lacey gets waylaid by the Lizzie puppet and MM gets Vlad, and they find a convenient preacher to get hitched and fulfil the evil prophecy, banishing Lacey and MM to puppethood as the demonic puppet marriage (I have friends with that sort of relationship) gives Vlad and Lizzie back their vampirepersonhood.
They’re just calling the undead to arms (another joke in there somewhere) when Dub turns up with Little Noser’s genuine Carpathian wood puppet arms in handy little Vampire-killer mini-crossbows to nail the bad guys and return our heroes to what they fondly believe is normality. (Little Noser, in the process, being rended limb from limb to serve as ammunition - spooky.)
See? Just a typical girl’s night out. |
